뜬금없이 저의 부끄러운 과거가 떠오른 것은 ‘리더는 하루에 백 번 싸운다’ 의 저자 조우성 변호사가 말하는 칭찬의 원칙을 읽었기 때문입니다. ‘소유 보다는 재능을, 재능보다는 의지를 칭찬하라’는 그의 조언이 마음에 꽂혔습니다. 예를 들면, ‘넥타이가 멋지네요’보다는 ‘색감이 탁월하시네요’가 더 잘하는 칭찬이며, ‘머리가 참 좋으시네요’보다는 ‘당신의 성실함에 도전받았습니다’가 더 좋은 칭찬이라는 것입니다. 저는 크면서 머리가 좋다는 얘기는 별로 들어본 적은 없지만. ‘애쓴다’는 말은 많이 들었습니다. 그 격려 에 힘입어 평균 머리로 오늘까지 달려온 것 같습니다. 우리 자녀들에게, 그리고 베델 성도님들에게 올해는 칭찬을 잘 하려고 맘을 먹었습니다. 탁월한 재능을 소유한 분들도 칭찬하고 열심히 노력하는 성도들도 잘 살펴서 더 많이 칭찬하려는 새해 결심을 해 봅니다.
Giving Good Praises
Rev. Bryan Kim
I took an unofficial IQ test in 4th grade. My father who was a junior high school teacher brought home an IQ test for junior high students and asked me to try. For the first time in my life, I took an IQ test. My father took my answer sheet to school to find out the test result. I could tell that my father was very disappointed. I was also shocked by the result. I remember my father encouraging me to do better. When we tease kids who are not very smart, we say that their IQ must be in two digits. Well, I became one of them. Although I try to comfort myself and keep my confidence up with the fact that I was in elementary school when I took the test intended for junior high students. However, what was certain is that I am an average person and not a genius. When I studied hard, my grades went up and when I didn’t, my grades fell to the bottom. That was my student life. Friends who didn’t study until a day before a test but still managed to get high grades always amazed me. I always wanted to be a good student, so I cheated for the first time in 5th grade. My teacher was so excited with my test grade that she called my parents with praises. ‘Sun is going to rise from the west’ ‘I don’t believe it’…it was an unbelievable incident. I was ashamed to see my parents so happy with my false grade and finally I confessed to my father (thinking back now, I think my teacher and my father knew about it). After hearing my confession, father gave me a second chance by saying as long as I do better on my next test. Since then I studied hard with my average brain to maintain the high grade received from cheating. I wonder if I would be here as I am if my teacher had expelled me for cheating or if I was humiliated as a cheating son.
My shameful past came to mind because I read about principle of praises in