한 달 전, 발목을 다친 후 한달간 깁스부츠를 신고 다녀야 했는데, 그런 중에 알래스카와 산호세에 미리 약속된 집회와 이사회 참석차 비행기를 타게 되었습니다. 당연히 공항에서 체크인을 하자마자 휠체어를 주문하게 되었고, 체크인 할 때부터 게이트까지 휠체어 서비스를 받게 되었습니다. 공항 봉사 요원들이 밀어주는 휠체어에 난생 처음으로 앉으니 기분이 이상했습니다. 젊은 학생이 눈치 없이 노약자 보호석에 앉은 기분이랄까, 모든 사람들이 저를 보는 듯해서 얼굴을가리고 싶었습니다. 그러나 그  저를 쳐다보는 사람은 없었습니다. 가방을 끌고 다니는 여행객들이 부딪히지 않기 위해 피해가는 정도이고, 그 누구와도 눈이 마주친 적이 없었습니다. 세상은 내 생각과는 달리 휠체어 타고 다니는 사람들에게 별 관심이 없다는 것을 알게 되었습니다. 가만히 생각해 보면, 저 역시 건강한 발로 다닐 때에는 휠체어가 옆을 지나가도 휠체어 탄 사람의 얼굴을 본 적은 없었던 것 같습니다. 한편 다행이다 싶다가도, 평생 핸디캡을 가지고 살아야 할 장애우들을 생각하면서 좀 더 관심을 가져야겠다 싶습니다.

또 한가지 깨달은 것은 휠체어 탔을 때, 걸어 가는 눈높이 보다 훨씬 낮지만, 걸어 다닐 때 못 봤던 것을 보게 되었습니다. 그것은 휠체어 탄 분들의 얼굴을 보기 시작했습니다. 왠지 휠체어를 보기만 해도 반갑고, 자연스럽게 인사를 나누게 되었습니다. 서로 아픔의 공통분모를 가져서 동지애가 느껴 지기도 합니다. 앉아서 공항을 보는 눈은 한번도 본 적이 없는 모습입니다. 모든 사람들을 올려다 보게 되고, 가게 간판들도 더 높이 달려 있는 것 같고, 또 자력으로 움직이는 것이 아니라, 누군가가 밀어주는 의자에서 세상을 보니 신기하게만 보입니다.

주일예배 때는 성도님들과 인사 나누기가 불편해서 예배당 무대 뒤쪽에 임시 책상을 두고 거기서 대기했습니다. 비록 예배당 입구에서 늘 만나는 예배안내팀은 볼 수 없었지만, 오히려 베델워십팀, 베델오케스트라가 분주히 예배 준비하는 모습을 보게 되었습니다. 예배시간에 맞추어 초긴장하며 기도로 준비하고, 자녀를 둔 팀원은 함께 데리고 무대 뒤에서 대기하고 아이들도 적응이 되었는지 조용히 엄마 아빠를 기다려주는 모습을 봅니다.

발목 부상으로 맘껏 운동 못하는 것은 아쉽지만, 눈 높이를 낮추게 하신 하나님의 섭리를 알 것 같았습니다. 별거 아닌 것 같은데, 겸손히 눈 높이를 낮추면 못 보던 것을 더 많이 볼 수 있다는 것을 깨닫는 소중한 시간이었습니다.

The World Changes Even When You Lower Your Eye Level

Rev. Bryan Kim

A month ago, after hurting my ankle, I had to go around wearing a cast boot for one month, and during that time, I had to take flights to Alaska and San Jose to attend previously scheduled gatherings and board meetings. Naturally, as soon as I checked in at the airport, I requested a wheelchair, and from check-in until the gate, I received wheelchair service. When I sat for the first time in my life in a wheelchair pushed by airport service workers, I felt strange. It was like the feeling of a young student sitting unknowingly in a seat reserved for the elderly or weak; it seemed as though everyone was looking at me, so I wanted to cover my face. But there was no one who was looking at me. Travelers pulling their bags only moved away so that they would not bump into me, and I never made eye contact with anyone. I came to know that, unlike what I thought, the world does not have much interest in people who go around in wheelchairs. Thinking about it carefully, I also think that when I was walking around with healthy feet, even when a wheelchair passed by me, I had never looked at the face of the person sitting in the wheelchair. On one hand, I felt relieved, but thinking about people with disabilities who have to live with a handicap for their whole lives, I felt that I should have more interest in them.

Another thing I realized was that when I was in a wheelchair, although my eye level was much lower than the eye level when walking, I came to see things that I could not see when walking. That was, I began to see the faces of people in wheelchairs. Somehow, even just seeing a wheelchair made me happy to see them, and naturally, I came to exchange greetings. Because we have the common denominator of each other’s pain, I sometimes feel a sense of comradeship. The view of seeing the airport while sitting is a sight I have never seen before. I came to look up at all the people, and even the store signs seemed to be hanging higher, and also, because I was not moving by my own strength, but seeing the world from a chair someone was pushing, everything only seemed fascinating.

During Sunday worship, because it was uncomfortable to exchange greetings with the members, I placed a temporary desk behind the stage of the sanctuary and waited there. Although I could not see the worship guide team whom I always meet at the entrance of the sanctuary, rather, I got to see the Bethel Worship Team and Bethel Orchestra busily preparing for worship. I saw them preparing in prayer with extreme tension according to the worship time, and team members who have children brought them together and waited behind the stage, and I saw the children, perhaps because they had also become accustomed to it, quietly waiting for their mom and dad.

It is disappointing that I cannot exercise as much as I want because of my ankle injury, but I felt that I could understand God’s providence in making me lower my eye level. It may seem like nothing special, but it was a precious time of realizing that if we humbly lower our eye level, we can see more of the things we could not see before.